One Millennial’s Take on Millennial Destruction That You Never Asked For

In this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death, taxes, and weird takes about what millennials are ruining.

636084634359073297-1050355209_millennial
Image by Kristen Dudley

You’ve seen it before. You’ll, unfortunately, see it again. Millennials are apparently killing dozens of industries that our parents hold ever so close to their old baby boomer hearts. As a member of this destructive group, I can assure you it’s not personal. In fact, I spent much of my young life single-handedly keeping Applebee’s in business through mass orders of buffalo wings.

But that doesn’t stop everyone’s favorite late adopter of listicles, Business Insider, from creating an easily digestible article describing things that millennials are cutting the cords from. This list is absolutely… something. There is one section I’d like to draw your attention to:

According to CNBC, Goldman Sachs downgraded both Boston Beer Company and Constellation Brand on the data that younger consumers aren’t drinking as much alcohol as older generations, and the ones who do prefer wine and spirits.

Based on the demotion of Constellation and Boston Beer Company, it is official, Millennials have put beer on their hit list saved in the notes on their iPhone.

RGB_Horiz_1_Line
Courtesy of Constellation’s media kit

Most craft beer drinkers will recognize Constellation as the company that purchased Ballast Point for $1 billion dollars, and more recently, Funky Buddha for decidedly not $1 billion dollars. Now I didn’t go to business school, but I can say with confidence that beers that appeal to 40-year-olds who like deep sea fishing but don’t own a boat may not be ideal for attracting millennial drinkers.

Additionally, the conclusion that Constellation’s demotion is indicative of beer’s millennial problem is, in my opinion, a logical fallacy. Their portfolio boasts plenty of big name brands outside of beer, such as Kim Crawford, Black Box, Svedka, Arbor Mist, and Cook’s. Maybe Goldman Sach’s decision has something to do with, oh I don’t know, someone deciding to pay $1 billion dollars for a brewery.

I know someone is going to give me the “but their biggest brand is Corona” treatment. And I will give you that point, but Millennial me will choose Dos Equis based solely on the Most Interesting Man in the World, that doesn’t mean I’m not drinking beer.

The-Most-Interesting-Man-In-The-World
Side note, there is a new Most Interesting Man in the World and nothing is sacred anymore.

The other brand, Boston Beer Company, is referring to Sam Adams. Don’t worry, this one doesn’t take as long to work through.

beer_222791

The most popular beer style among Millenials? IPAs. Boston Beer Company’s answer? Rebel IPA. First, this beer has a lower ABV than most major IPAs. By now we know that for better or for worse, ABV is a huge factor in how we spend our beer money. This problem is only exasperated by the fact that this beer is… *whispers* not good.

If this is the best IPA in your local supermarket, you need to move.


If you clicked on the article from (probably) LinkedIn’s number one sponsored post customer, Business Insider, that discovered Millenials are killing beer, you probably saw the other collateral of a generation’s disregard for tradition. Napkins?!?! How dare Millennials choose paper towels over napkins? Do they not understand how fragile our spill cleaning products ecosystem is?

So why bother writing this? Because I have seen this article shared one too many times, and beer is the featured product for their claims. Moreso, I’m afraid some of my peers may even internalize this. And I’ll be damned if one more of my friends offers me a glass of rosé.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s